Well, since my last update I’m happy to report that I’m continuing to glow up successfully: from my hair, to my body, and a few other aspects of the new me to boot.
First things first: my platinum blonde hair now reaches my belly button. Yes, really. The original vision was for it to reach just past my shoulders so it rested on my chest, but at the salon I go to all the extensions expert could find were 22-inch strands…and when she put them on me I just couldn’t bear to have them cut any shorter, they felt so good on me. For some reason I just so love it when I can see my hair, luscious waves of gorgeous color…and I love it even more when I feel my mane resting on my body. So I left the 22 inches of extra length on there. It helps considerably that once the extensions are put onto a curling wand to give them some shape they don’t go too far beyond chest length anyway.
Which is a bit intriguing for me, because I’ve found I kinda like the feeling of it being longer. If I were made of money and had more time on my hands I might actually want to do more. What would it be like to have hair that’s all the way down my back, down my butt even, even when it’s all curled up? I’m sure it would look magnificent on me and feel even better. I really feel sensual and beautiful now, so much so it’s almost a shame when I look in the mirror and realize I have to put clothes on; the feeling of the hair on my skin makes me enjoy being naked, which is actually a new feeling for me.
That’s especially come as a surprise since I’m not at my dream body yet…although it helps that I’m substantially closer than I was a few weeks ago. More on that in a bit.
I wonder actually how long would be too long for my taste, since even rocking a mane worthy of a screaming metal artist it doesn’t look like too much. If it fell past my back it would be too long, but for curly hair to actually get all the way down my back it would have to be really long: perhaps as long as floor length. And don’t discount the possibility of a bun up top in addition to the long mane falling down my body: add that up and you’d be well past floor length.
Yes, I’m a guy and that might look like too much, even on me, but the way I am now I’m actually sporting a look that on some of my peers would just be way too effeminate, yet I’m confused with a girl less than I usually am with short brown hair (maybe because the striking look inspires people to look at me closer and pay more attention?). I even got my nails done in a shade of pinkish white; is that too much, even? Nope! Everybody loves it. Perhaps because it just looks too yummy next to my richly tanned skin tone.
Playing around with AI programs (which was my inspiration for the look I’m sporting now in the first place), it seems I could push it considerably further.
My first thought when comparing the before and after pictures is that the long hair frames my face so it brings out my best features and hides my flaws; in particular, my face looks thinner, slimmer, and generally more attractive. Helpful, since I’ve yet to lose a lot of weight that I need to. Actually cutting fat will help like nothing else, I’m sure, but it leaves me wondering what other “quick fixes” might be low-hanging fruit, and that brings me to an option I never thought I’d consider: earrings. Big dangling statement earrings.
It might sound ridiculous on a guy, but they do indeed have a slimming effect on the face just as long loose hair does, and besides, they look so pretty. One might think it would look too girly, but there are earrings you can get that are more masculine-coded: in particular, if you have a huge cross or skull on them, like a lot of goth glam rocker types do, you won’t be confused with a girl. But that’s not really my style; no, I’m currently thinking I might like to explore some more angular earrings; angles are less girly and more manly, and helpfully simple geometric shapes can expand out to be large in volume but low in weight without looking weird.
ChatGPT at least seems to think that big earrings that are narrower at the top and wider at the bottom, sort of an inverted triangle shape, would be best if a facial slimming effect is what I’m after.
Interestingy, Thor’s hammer, the pagan symbol par excellence, answers to this general description, and I have started wearing a bronze Mjollnir necklace I bought off of Amazon, because I just really like it and thought it would look good on me. On old me it would have just been dorky, but on new me, tanned and botoxed with long blonde hair, it just fits right in and helps to accentuate my look. Might it be the same way with earrings?
I’m not sure if I’d even want big dangling Mjollnir earrings, assuming I could even find such a thing, since it would be a bit repetitive with my necklace. But I definitely want to order more jewelry. Jewelry just looks really good on me. When I look at pictures of myself now, I honestly don’t look like I’d even have a regular job; I look more like an elite who doesn’t need one, or, perhaps more to the point, like an escort. I look expensive.
And this is just an accentuation of the natural traits that showed up in old me: after all, there’s a reason why at Port Hercule and with a high-end Dutch escort I just blended in, whereas middle-class American types just hate me and exclude me while making insinuations that I know a lot about money or won the lottery or something (yes, all that has literally happened to me).
Hey, I do have expensive tastes in life and I do like rich people, so what do I have to lose by playing up that aspect of myself? Not much. Heck, the long platinum hair alone looks luxurious, in large measure because it is: the color plus the extensions cost me like $5000 (ouch), but I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
Based on mock-ups I’ve done, big dangling earrings in that inverted triangle shape, even pink ones, would just fit right in on me. I even look great in pink and/or metallic clothing, far more so than conventional shades of color, and so I’m working on building out my new wardrobe: from now on only sparkly metallics will be on my body, nothing drab, nothing neutral, and nothing that’s anything other than eye-catching. With my blonde curls bouncing and my body sparkling, I want to ooze “look at me, look at me, look at me”. Contrary to what I hoped a few months ago I’m increasingly doubtful I can project “sex on two legs”, but I really can project expensive glamour if I decide to put even little effort into it.
The changes so far just make me look cuter, almost adorable; I’ve got masculine and handsome features (the fact I have a huge head helps a lot with that; people wanted to recruit me into the school football club as a kid), but somehow there’s enough boyish youth in me even at 30 to make me seem not-so-threatening. My hands are soft (just this week somebody at the nail salon told me out of the blue that I should be a hand model; huh?), which is a go-to compliment for some reason, and I’ve noticed only surprisingly recently that I’ve actually got pretty big eyes compared to most people (also, every single person I so much as befriend has doe eyes too).
So that’s got me thinking: why not accentuate those qualities? Playing around with the AI programs again, I find that putting in circle lenses to make my eyes look even bigger really elevates my look. That includes contact lenses that change my eye color to blue: on old me it would have looked awful, but with the tanned skin and the blonde hair baby blue eyes actually look good on me. My own natural eye color is a deliciously exotic green, and the platinum hair color really causes it to pop out to the eye, so I may well be better off just sticking with that, but so help me like my mother I’ve always so adored beautiful blue eyes but I could never have them myself. Maybe I should make an effort for that dream to come true while I’m still young? Even if it’s just for a costume or a photoshoot or something.
It certainly does accentuate my doll-like appearance, big blue circle lenses. Caking my face with makeup to make my skin look younger, smoother, and generally prettier helps too, of course; people think of it as just a feminine thing, but go to the TV set and you’ll see plenty of makeup being applied on the guys too. Not as much, perhaps, but there’s a reason whole cosmetic lines are researched, manufactured, and marketed toward men: it helps the strong sex look better too. Especially if you’re going as much for a different look as you are just making yourself prettier, as I would be with my doll-like makeover.
Aside from circle lenses there are various tricks that can make you look more doll-like, often to overt and inhuman proportions, but I wouldn’t want to look like that, just super cute.
To that end I experimented also with some lipstick and blush, and once again pink looks really good on me, especially with the blonde hair.
The pièce de résistance for my doll-like makeover might be a new hairstyle: pigtails. Tied together with big pink bows. Now, especially on a guy, maybe that’s too much, especially if you already have a necklace, big dangling earrings, long hair, and some doll-like makeup, but really, I suspect to make me look like “OMG he’s going trans!” you’d have to go full drag queen. Like botox, filler, and steroids, my body just oozes it all in and comes out looking even better than 99% of people could ever hope to.
Speaking of which, I’m about two weeks into my anabolic steroid program, and so far I’m loving the results. My muscles are substantially more toned, considerably larger, and my whole body looks tighter and thinner all the time, like I’m contracting the muscles and getting a pump but without having to actually do anything, all the while the extra water weight courtesy of the dianabol is filling me out nicely, making me look athletic in the most yummy way. I suspect my physique is quite aesthetic, once you remove the chest, belly, neck, and face fat that’s holding me back.
Even then, the steroid is helping: people think of dianabol as a “wet” agent, i.e. it bulks you out, but the extra fattening elements I’m taking in from having to subsist on American food (boo!) are being shunted toward building muscle, so my weight and my silhouette are actually improving, despite not even having stepped up my efforts at dieting (yes, I know I promised I did, but it’s been so long since I had some of these foods, and I’m under so much stress I have to treat myself to a steak dinner a few times a week).
And, true to what you hear about from the bodybuilders, it’s working wonders with my workouts. I hardly feel sore after them at all anymore, and during the workouts it’s a pleasure to lift heavy and work harder; I have the energy and stamina needed to do it. And my work is multiplied by the drug into much greater gains than would be the case otherwise; after each workout I actually see noticeable improvement in the muscle groups me and my trainer covered. A huge problem I have in life is the effort-to-reward ratio in “the grind” is so poor I just give up and quit because I can’t stand it, and so has it been with me working out multiple times a week; well, with the help of the drug, I’m getting enough reward from my efforts to actually motivate me! So yay me.
Dianabol is a “feel-good” drug, according to many users, and this has been the case with me; I feel a lot lighter and happier all the time, and bad events just don’t get me down like they used to before I started taking it. The consensus is that steroids make you moody, but if anything my mood is more elevated and constant; I’m less morose and volatile than my natural self when I’m on the stuff. About the only negatives have been feeling hotter all the time plus the classic steroid flush (which I also get from corticosteroids worse than any other side effect), plus a cool confidence that leads me to pull into traffic much more assertively…though on the San Diego Freeway I call that a feature rather than a bug (hehehe). I feel a bit more reckless, a bit more risk-taking, and a bit more like I just can’t be bothered, which comes with all sorts of positives and negatives.
But really the effects aside from building muscle and feeling good have been pretty minimal. The list of side effects they warn you about? I haven’t noticed a thing. And I’ve titrated my dose up to 50 milligrams a day by this week, which is considered toward the upper range of even intermediate users’ dosing. Even with that my body seems to respond to it really well. So much so that the primary obstacle I’m encountering in my workouts is working out the muscles too hard: often the drug makes it feel like I can push it much further, but the muscle that I’m starting with can’t support that much stress, so I’ve had to make a conscious effort to take it easy on them (it’s still worth it to do higher dosing; steroids alone will actually build you more muscle than exercise alone, at a regular dose, so if you’re trying to quickly ramp up from zero like I am the correct dose to take is the highest your body can tolerate).
If I kept it up for the long haul I could probably be a full-bore bodybuilder if I wanted to: I’ve got the genetic response to one of the favored drugs that you need to really make it, I can stand to do the work, I’ve got handsome features to begin with, and I may well have aesthetically pleasing muscle shape across my physique (though the exact contours remain to be seen when the fat comes off). But bodybuilding has never been my strongest interest, nor do I care for the Mr. Olympia physique; if I were to go down that road I’d do fitness modeling or some such.
But so far the aesthetic transformation has proceeded remarkably well. Heck, I don’t even need to take the corticosteroids anymore: dianabol, helpfully, also has glucocorticoid effects, so if you’re on 50 milligrams of dianabol a day you’re getting as much effect as 5 milligrams of prednisone…which is about the dose I usually like to take. So I’m able to leave that stuff off. At least until I come off my anabolic steroid cycle: you can take corticosteroids forever, but even low doses of oral anabolics will destroy your liver. The body must come off it for quite a few weeks to recover.
By the end of my cycle…well, I hesitate to say I’ll have my dream body, but I’ll certainly be substantially closer. What about the other dreams I have? Well, truthfully the basic tier of new me is more or less finished, aside from losing the fat. It’s stubborn stuff, so much so that the thought of liposuction has crossed my mind, especially considering that I don’t tolerate fat-burning thermogens very well (I’ve only tried caffeine, but from what I’ve read of e.g. DNP I think I’d rather keep my stomach pouch forever than deal with that stuff…), but then again I don’t like surgery much either. And it’s expensive. Not to mention the long downtime associated with it. A crash diet might actually work better; of course at that point I might have some loose skin (the way my belly is deflating lately doesn’t look 100% promising as far as avoiding loose skin goes…), but I can always just get some surgery done for that if the need arises. Cross that bridge when I come to it…
At least my skin’s color is coming along nicely. So nicely that after over a month of near-daily visits to the tanning salon my face looks too tanned and fried for my own good, but just a few days worth of applying sunscreen on the face again before I go in has taken care of that. My body could still stand to be a lot browner. I look at myself in the mirror and I think I look nice, just a yummy sun-kissed shade, but I want to go much deeper: I want to be a really rich deep sunkissed color, like I spend all day naked out on some desert beach.
I’d like my skin to be really smooth and supple, youthful, without a mark or blemish on it, totally polished. Dare I say, even plastic. I look at the highly done-up, highly processed people who frequent reality television shows, and I honestly don’t want to look like I’m made out of plastic like they are, but honestly? After reflecting on it for weeks and even over a month? I want some of that for myself: between what I see when I look in the mirror now, and them, I’d like my appearance to be closer to theirs. Just really fine and processed.
To date I’ve gotten more conservative treatments that emphasize a more natural look, but I think pushing it a bit into the territory where it looks like I’ve gotten stuff done might actually look good on me: remember what I said about the full doll-like effect becoming me, and how my body just absorbs this stuff and looks so good at the end of it. I seem to have the right base features to go full plastic if I wanted to.
Though in my case it might be puzzlingly difficult: I see people who get a lot less filler and botox than I do and yet it looks much less natural on them than it does on me. To go full plastic and push the envelope I might need a truly copious quantity of the stuff, along with procedures like chemical peels, laser treatments, microneedling, threading, and god knows what else. It’s a long-term and expensive commitment, and one that I’m not sure I’d even want to take on.
But maybe I wouldn’t have to take it on all at once. I’m already determined to start a full-body laser hair removal regimen when I have the extra money, since I love the results of waxing but I just can hardly stand what it takes to get them, and it won’t be terribly long before my filler will have to be done again. Maybe I could get more over a greater section of my face next time? And at my next botox appointment we could probably ramp up the dose, or even explore other options: there is a botox treatment pioneered in South Korea that gives you the “glass skin” effect, which is really striking, and something I’d honestly be very interested in pursuing. Laser treatments for the face and for my stretch marks are something else I could get looked at, as would be the likes of chemical peels.
One treatment area I’m definitely looking into soon is my under-eyes, which has such dark circles (alas, they’re hereditary) they look like disaster areas. Sure, concealer works, but I’ve gotten noticeable improvement from platelet-rich fibrin in the past…and frankly the dermatologist creams don’t work very well. I need something stronger. Filler is another option, but PRF was favored by my nurse as the first-line treatment after the cream, and it seemed to solve the problem? At least until it came back somewhat recently (ugh). I’d like to attack this problem with much greater vigor by the end of the year.
New face for a new me: polished, plastic, and perfect. That’s such a nice thought…
Especially since when I look at what I share with the world under my real name it’s all much more closely related to modeling than it is to real estate (which is what I’m supposed to be studying now). And like I say, as I come out of my cocoon and achieve full self-expression I look a lot more like an expensive escort than anyone who would have a normal job. Maybe that’s where my strength lies? It certainly sounds a lot more fun.
Fun: that’s what I was supposed to be when I was tanned and blonded. Tan, blonde, and fun. Maybe the key to a totally awesome new life for me is hiding in plain sight, and I just need to have the courage to invest in myself and reach out for the opportunity. I hope it’s that simple…